Sakura 2013
by PureWaterLily
Summary: So now Sakura wants to be Hokage. Eh. Why not. Spoilerish 632.


"What the hell was that SasuSaku vibe the entire chapter!" Naruto accuses, poking a finger into Sasuke's chest.

"Well, if she decides to suddenly get useful, I have every right to start taking interest."

"Uh, _no_ you _don't_!" Naruto shouts. "You have _ignored_ her, made her _cry_, tried to _kill_ her, and _left_ her for some incestuous crusade for your psychotic love interest of a _brother_."

"I fail to see your point."

Naruto wants to yank out his hair until he's bald. "_I_ have been with Sakura-chan for the entire duration of this manga, comforting her and making her laugh. I have been protecting her, watching out for her interests, and being _painfully _selectively oblivious to the confessions of a stellar girl with G-cup boobs so I can remain faithful in my crush to _her_. Only to find myself losing her to _you_? What kind of messed-up romantic message is this manga trying to give?"

"The realistic kind," Sasuke scoffs. "Just because you are the protagonist and can save the world does not mean you are _entitled_ to the girl of your choosing. Sakura has explicitly friend-zoned you since chapter one, while she has kept her romantic interest in me. So guess who's banging her at the end of this series."

Naruto twitches his fingers, hands clawing the air. "And I wondered why Obito decided to fucking troll this series."

"For the sake of humanity, don't pull an Obito."

From behind, and arms wrap around both their shoulders. "Boys, boys, what are we bickering about?"

"S-Sakura-chan, we were just... uh..."

"Talking about me? Yes, I was magnificent," Sakura says, whipping back her hair. Then her face darkened. "Although I would have appreciated it if the two of you had not ruined my spotlight by placing me in another damsel-in-distress moment. Also, if Kishimoto trolls me, _again_, in the next chapters, _**I will fucking KILL him.**_"

Sensing the dark aura, Naruto and Sasuke inch away, but Sakura goes back into her bubbly state with a laugh. "Kidding, kidding! I love what you two did there, placing me in a total Twilight moment," she squeaks, pulling both boys into a crushing hug. "Now, which do I pick? The deliciously sexy badboy," she chuckles in Sasuke's ear. "Or..." She turns to Naruto with the deadpan. "Mr. Friend-zoned."

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto cries in despair.

Sakura places a hand on her hips. "I don't know what you're so upset about. Hinata's far prettier than I am, has a prestigious bloodline and cuter demeanor. She's the perfect Minato complement to your Kushina, and she _wants_ _you_."

"Great! Except fans are in denial that she's in _my_ friend-zone!"

Sakura sees no problem. "Just push her out of it." She waves her hand. "You're Naruto. Fans come in with the expectation that you'll take any chick you can get, and any girl who has crushed on you for a sufficient amount of time is entitled to you. Even though you've friend-zoned hotter kunoichi and princesses before."

Naruto gives up. He is the creation of a masochistic mangaka who has given into collective peer pressure from his editors and fans. And you know what? Hinata _is_ hot. She _is _cute. She is _badass_, and he'll take her on a ramen date and- oh fuck that, he'll just keep trolling NaruHina fans with his parents until NaruSaku catches on.

From above, Sai descends from his calligraphy bird. "Sorry to interrupt, but the results for the Hokage candidate are out. I am here to escort you."

"Eh, so fast?" Naruto asks.

"Yes, the winner was obvious."

Naruto and Sasuke exchange a glare.

"Come on, Sakura-chan. When you see me elected as Hokage, you'll melt for me."

"Let's leave this loser behind, shall we, Sakura?"

Ten minutes later...

"WHAT!"

The ambassador smiles, handing the candidate scroll to the bewildered kunoichi.

"Uh... um, I was _kidding_ when I said I would run for Hokage." Sakura laughs nervously. "I wasn't serious."

"Oh, but we are, Haruno-san," the ambassador says. "The vote was unanimous. Not only do you have administrative training from the previous Hokage and approval for jouninship, you have proven to be reliable, consistent, and psychologically stable, with your record free of any criminal activities from minor E-rank pranks to outright S-rank treason."

Naruto interjects. "But- but I _saved the village_!"

"I saved the idiot who saved the village."

"I have the Kyuubi's power!"

"I have the last Uchiha blood."

"All the villagers acknowledge me!"

"I took off my shirt."

"She's done jackshit this entire series!"

"I have never met a person more useless."

"All she can do is _punch rocks_. _I_ can punch rocks!"

"Her power up armor consists of _gloves_."

Sakura's eye twitches until the vein in her forehead has exploded and both parties have their pretty faces flat on the concrete. "What they are trying to say," she says, gritting her teeth, "is that there might be a mistake."

Meanwhile, the ambassador is unfazed in her smile. "Oh, there is no mistake about it. On the examination, you got a perfect score, from everything on political theory to economic derivatives and international law."

The ambassador retains her smile when she turns to the boys. "However, you two received a score of..." She flips the page of her clipboard. "Four. Out of a hundred. Combined. Uzumaki-san, you misspelled the name of the first Daimyo, and Uchiha-san, it is embarrassingly clear you never went past elementary algebra. And while we commend your efforts, Uzumaki-san, your _I refuse to choose between the clan and village _answer to question eight on clan rebellion is not any more acceptable than Uchiha-san's strategy to _murder the shady political commander and start international war._

"Haruno-san, however, did have the correct idea to negotiate with the clan leader, and relinquish several points of political power in exchange for loyalty and financial leverage. She is also convincing in her letter on the promotion of inter-clan marriages, of its capacity to unite interests, increase economic welfare, reduce pureblood disorders, and, counter-intuitively, enhance shinobi genetics. This speaks measures of her scientific and technical knowledge necessary for proper policy, though it does not undercut her humility when she concedes the best approach for financial downfall or external invasion lies in consultation with the specialists in those fields."

Everything went through Naruto's head. "Say what?"

"What I am saying, Uzumaki-san, is that while both you and your friend are powerful, successful, charismatic, attractive, and popular, _hot gas alone is insufficient to run a village_. Please come back after you have received your proper education and diplomatic experiences that do not include fists-fights, headbutting, or manslaughter."

"This is bullshit," Sasuke says, before he sets out.

"Oi, where are you going?" Naruto calls.

"Fire capital. It seems the Daimyo needs persuasion," Sasuke says, his eyes morphing in EMS.

And that is when Naruto gets an idea too. "Huh, where's that edo tensei. Maybe I should get a recommendation letter from my dad," Naruto strokes his chin, equally filing out.

That leaves Sakura with the ambassador, who is pleading desperately for her to accept candidacy. She nervously laughs.

"I _really was just kidding _about the Hokage thing."


End file.
